MILFs don’t exist. Not really. There is an entire section of the internet dedicated to these Mothers I’d Like to F*ck (or at least a popular sub-section of a very popular part of the internet), but little evidence of the key characteristic of MILFdom…motherhood. You will almost never see a picture of a MILF caring for her child. In most cases, thankfully. But this omission is not just for, err, pragmatic reasons; the crux of the MILF’s hotness is that it’s hard to believe she is someone’s mother. DILFs, or Dads I’d Like to F*ck, are a newer phenomenon and vastly different. They’re sexy because of how affectionate they are with their children. They’re desirable because they’re parents, not in spite of it.

Charlie Capen: Blogger/Social Media Guru/DILF of Disneyland
Charlie Capen: Blogger/Social Media Guru/DILF of Disneyland

Apparently very desirable. The Instagram account @dilfs_of_disneyland has over 200,000 followers! These pictures are just normal – well, better looking than normal – dads doing normal dad stuff, like pushing strollers, carrying babies, and posing with their kids and Disney characters. A good number of them seem to have beards and/or tattoos. Maybe it’s the juxtaposition of strong men showing their sensitive side that is the turn on. Whatever it is, there is no MILF equivalent on Instagram. A Google search for MILFs will need to be immediately removed from your search history. “Honey, I swear it was research for a blog post!” may work once, but it better be a damn good blog post.

There is one exception. I hesitate to mention it, because it’s going to sound creepy. I’m talking about breastfeeding. I can hear you groan, but it must be the case. Why else would breastfeeding make some people so uncomfortable? Because there is something sexually tantalizing about it. Why else would there be any controversy with women posting pictures on Facebook or doing it in public? Breasts are amazing…in so many ways. Even though we all know they’re primary functional, we have a hard time not focusing on their form. How many guys saw the picture of Olivia Wilde feeding her newborn and thought: lucky baby! But it’s not the act of breastfeeding that makes her Glamour Magazine photo a MILF-pic, it’s because OHMYGODISEEABOOBY!!! Just like MILFs are sexy despite the fact that they have kids, breastfeeding is still somehow sexual despite the fact that, well, it just isn’t.

Stupid baby, ruining a good boob pic!
Stupid baby, ruining a perfectly good boob pic!

Maybe the difference is about expectations. We expect women to be good moms. That’s what we’re taught women are biologically built for. Not only does the baby literally sprout from your loins, but you ladies then carry his food supply on your chest! If a guy could use his back hair to diaper his newborn, I don’t think we’d be too surprised to see him a couple years later walking hand-in-hand with his daughter or giving his son a kiss. It would clearly be something he was genetically designed to do. Unfortunately, back hair is useless (and in no way helps DILF status). We’ve also gotten so used to the out-dated idea of the idiot dad who is afraid to show any affection, and is there merely to provide financial support for his family, that seeing a man share a tender moment with his children makes you say “awww” and then “uh-huh” (while seductively licking your lips). And, in that moment, you become a MILF…you know, as long as your kid is at school or something.