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Bowling, the End of the World & Furries

Let me start by saying that I rolled a 110. Lefty. And eked out a win over my buddy (who was bowling with his dominant hand), by knocking down a clutch spare in the 10th frame. So, yeah. It was a pretty good night. But mostly it was pretty uneventful; just another dads’ night out bowling. That is until a fox, a dinosaur and a racoon started knocking down pins 10 lanes over. Then, it became something else entirely.

I took a picture of them, like the creepy asshole that I apparently am. How could I not? I had to show my wife. I had to post to Facebook! What should the caption be, I wondered. A fox pun? What does the fox play? Or maybe, Who says bowlers can’t be foxy? But I kept coming back to the thought, there’s something you don’t usually see at the bowling alley, but you should! Because it was something out of the ordinary and fun and, well, why the fuck not? I’m not sure you “expect” to see furries anywhere, other than at Comic Con or a furry convention or something, but I was really not expecting to see them in a bowling alley in Bayonne, New Jersey.

Again…Why. The Fuck. Not.

So I posted on Facebook that they were an inspiration, giving me hope for a brighter tomorrow. And I was only being a little bit of a sarcastic prick when I wrote it. These dudes are doing what makes them happy. It doesn’t matter if other people point, stare, take pics and make fun of them on social media. It doesn’t matter if other people – most people, probably – “don’t get it.” It’s not for other people; it’s for themselves.

We live in interesting times. Which is, of course, to say HOLY SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE GET ME OFF THIS RIDE I THINK I’M GONNA BE SICK!!!! Recently, my parents had to drive from Florida and stay with us for a couple weeks to escape the ravages of Hurricane Irma, about 5 minutes after Hurricane Harvey ripped through Houston and seemingly seconds before Hurricane Maria totally decimated Puerto Rico. Somewhere in that timeline an earthquake shattered Mexico City. It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. I guess. I mean, I’ve been better.

Hey, maybe we won’t all die in a natural disaster. It’s possible that the increased frequency of extreme weather is just a blip on the radar and that global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. I’m pretty sure I heard somewhere that they do like to play jokes. <collective groan> Even if climate change is real and the next big earth quake threatens to rip the coasts off America, I’m sure the Rock will save us all before the earth swallows us whole. With any luck, Kevin Hart will be there right by his side.

Like my kids sing, there are so many dumb ways to die! Maybe it’ll be a nuclear holocaust that starts with a Twitter war between President Dotard and Little Rocket Man. BOOM!!!! is way less than 140 characters. There are mass shootings daily. Yup, there was another one. At least we have lots of good guys with guns to protect us for the bad guys with guns. Hard to tell who’s who sometimes, though. If you do get shot I hope you have good insurance, because whether you’re for or against Obmacare, let’s admit it: the American healthcare system sucks. And, yay, Nazis are back. Fucking Nazis, man! My children are actually afraid of Nazis…though that might have more to do with my wife and I forcing Indiana Jones on them. ISIS still exists. And, even worse, so does Caillou. I hate that whiny little bastard, but I have to admit, I’ve had enough, too.

All of that stress and worry, fights with friends and family members on Facebook, horrible things happening across the globe, all of it melted away when I saw a gaggle of furries at a bowling alley in Bayonne, New Jersey. Because, for at least the hour or so that they’re dressed up like adorable animals and hoping for a strike, they do not give a fuck. They don’t give a fuck about you, me, hurricanes or Nazis. These furries might not be the heroes we want or even deserve, but god dammit, they’re the heroes we need.




Published inParenting & HumorPolitics Sex & Religion

One Comment

  1. Hater of Swearing Hater of Swearing

    Make an article about Pentatonix and Superfruit please. Also, do your research before. (So random, I know)

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