With all the serious crap going on in the world, it’s important to remember that Donald Trump is so dumb that he thinks there’s a War on Christmas. It’s just a neat little gift that it helps him shore up the unwavering support from unapologetically hypocritical Evangelicals. God bless Donald J. Trump, the man who truly believes! Heaven forbid he believe in the Christmas spirit of doing good for others or fostering unity. It’s good enough that he’s a soldier for God in the phony War on Christmas. And, like a Grinch whose heart has grown three sizes, he’s the only one who can save it.
The fact that Donnie boy believes in the War on Christmas should give pause to anyone with any presence of mind or even half a present in their stocking. After all, he’s also the man who believes that Obama is not an American citizen, Ted Cruz’s dad killed Kennedy, global warming is a Chinese hoax, it’s not his voice on the Access Hollywood tape, thousands of Muslims in Jersey City cheered on September 11th when the towers fell, Jared Kushner will solve the Middle East conflict, and that he knows “all the best words.” If it’s outlandish, in the National Enquirer or Tweeted by a neo-Nazi, President Trump is riding the crazy sleigh and carrying his followers in a overstuffed bag of B.S. behind him.
The Yuletide Warriors posit that people don’t talk about Christmas these days because we’ve gotten too “politically correct.” According to President Fruitcakeforbrains, there aren’t Christmas decorations in stores and no one says “Merry Christmas” anymore. Unlike him, they don’t have the stone ornaments to even say the word…Christmas! Because of liberals, I guess. Probably because of the Jews and almost definitely because of Muslims. I’m going to go out on a limb and say, also because of Hillary. I don’t know, maybe Bill was paid to give a speech about Hanukkah so her State Department declared the War on Christmas. Hannity will run the expose, I’m sure.
I don’t say this often and I may need to shower as soon as I write this, but Donald Trump is right. Yup, I feel dirty. He’s right when he says that most department store employees wish customers “Happy Holidays.” I’m trying to remember if they used to say “Merry Christmas” when I was a kid. I don’t know. Who cares?
Oh. Right. The idiots on Breitbart, Fox News and Donald J. Trump. “First they came for the plastic reindeer, but I said nothing. Because I was not a plastic reindeer.” I guess.
Trump has promised that he’s going to win the War on Christmas! Whatever the hell that means. I know he doesn’t understand what the president is supposed to do (other than watch TV, drink diet coke and Tweet), but he must be under the impression that the executive branch can make corporate policy. So much for small government. Funny how that doesn’t apply when religion (or, even a semi-religious greeting of well-wishes and joyous tidings) is involved.
When people say “happy holidays,” it’s because – duh! – not everyone in America is Christian. Not everyone is the same or celebrates the same holidays. This is a big diverse country and that’s what makes it great, you fake patriot asshole. Businesses understand that being welcoming to all faiths is good for their bottom line. Weren’t you some sort of businessman, Donnie? Maybe not a very good one.
Let me be clear, saying “Merry Christmas” is not offensive. To anyone. If you’re reading this and want to wish me “Merry Christmas,” go for it. If you say it to me, I’ll smile and respond, “yeah, you too!” Because there is no War on Christmas and I’ll assume you were just trying to be nice. You probably figured I celebrate the holiday that most of America celebrates and that’s okay. But being inclusive isn’t just okay, it’s better. If Christmas is about giving, then saying “happy holidays” is in the Christmas spirit because it gives equal respect to all religions.
So, ask yourself WWJD? He’d probably say “happy holidays” while giving assistance to the poor, not tax breaks to the wealthy. He wouldn’t give a national platform to alt-right assholes. He wouldn’t have thrown his support behind a pedophile. He wouldn’t abuse women or taunt people with derogatory nicknames. And he wouldn’t try to rile his followers up with some War on Christmas bullshit. He probably wouldn’t call Trump a moron, but I’d like to think the theme would be strongly implied in his sermons.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYBODY!!!!